If you think I'm sexy
by Her Royal Goddess
Summary: How Sirius bags his wolf. Or how characters just don't do what you sit down and write.


If you think I'm sexy.

A/N: This little plot bunny bit me after watching a video making the rounds on Facebook of "Sirius Black"being sexy in the Gryffindor homeroom, now I'm using a bit of artistic license in this fic as some of the songs weren't released at the time this fic is set.

As per usual I own nothing and all things recognisable belong to their respective creators/owners.

And a special thanks to the wonderful and amazing GaeilgeRua for being my beta, any errors that may be found are down to me.

Gryffindor common room June 1977.

Remus closed his book on Astronomy and pinched the bridge of his nose with a weary sigh. Ever since Sirius and James had snuck down to the muggle town last weekend to watch the latest blockbuster at the cinema, the Gryffindor common room had been filled with the sounds of muggle singers wailing about the way that they walked. It was a well known Hogwarts secret that muggle records worked on magical gramophones and that a few unscrupulous muggle borns and half bloods had a decent racket going on where they kept the pureblood population in the loop with the latest artists in exchange for a handsome fee.

All of this had lead to Remus being strong armed into transfiguring his moronic friends' uniform into white bell bottom trousers and matching suit jacket, ("But, Moony, you have the highest scores in transfig") they teamed this with a black shirt that they insisted only had to be fastened half way "to show off their manly chests". Remus had to admit that James and Sirius managed to pull the outfit off (and if he was really honest with himself in the dark, secluded in the privacy of both a strong silencing charm and the drapes to his bed firmly shut, that Sirius looked like pure sex as he strutted cockily around the common room thrusting his groin into any and every student's face regardless of their sexual orientation.) Poor Peter on the other hand had, had his face slapped a couple of times when he tried to emulate his idols.

His astronomy book was snatched out of his hand.

"Come on, Remy, come play with me." Remus suddenly found himself being straddled by a nearly six foot Sirius Black. He was used to this; his friend had no idea about personal space and boundaries.

"Piss off, Sirius, I'm trying to study," he said in a firm tone, reaching for his text book that was being held hostage just out of arm's reach. Remus knew that he could easily switch positions with Sirius just by using his werewolf strength, but he hated to draw attention to himself. A futile task indeed, but he knew he'd never give up his friendship with Sirius, James and Peter.

A dull thud from the other end of the room made Remus look up into pale grey eyes filled with laughter and mischievousness.

"I'm bored, entertain me," Sirius said, his voice sounding whiney.

Remus fought hard not to smile at his friend's puppy dog eyes and pouty lips.

'"We've had this discussion before, Pads, when I'm studying you have to be a big boy and find something else or someone to do."

"But you're always studying."

"Go find James and Peter, I'm sure they're up for some fun." Remus continued, deliberately ignoring Sirius's interruption.

Sirius barked a laugh triumphantly, "Prongs is busy chasing Evans in the library and Wormy is in a double detention with Filch, therefore by Marauders law you have to give me your full attention."

The young werewolf remembered Peter taking the blame for their prank of dungbombing the Slytherin common room, admittedly he was the only one stupid enough to have some still in his pockets during a routine inspection from the ferocious caretaker Filch. But still it was good of the youngest marauder to fall on his sword for the rest of them.

Remus decided to change tactics. "You know, I'm sure Marlene said she was getting some new records today, why don't you go and see if her parcel turned up."

He was rewarded with a wide grin and a surprising firm kiss to his forehead.

"Moony, you fucking genius! I knew I was friends with you for more than your wolfish good looks."

Remus felt a rush of disappointment when Sirius's weight lifted off his lap, he hid it behind a friendly smile. "Oi, Padfoot," he shouted after the disappearing back of his friend.

Sirius paused and turned, "What?"

"You forgot to give me my book back, you bloody wanker."

Sirius strutted over to where the text book had landed, winking at giggling third years who had picked it up. "Thank you ladies, these trousers are much too..." he paused to wiggle his arse at them "tight for me to bend over in them, I'd hate for everyone to see that all my underwear is down in the laundry room."

"Nobody cares about your arse, Padfoot, it's been seen by everybody and their mother more times than I care to count," Remus said dryly snatching his book back from Sirius.

"Hey! That's not true, it was only that time at the quidditch match and that time on the the train...Oh and that time in the great hall. Okay fair enough, my arse does get about a bit, but even you've got to agree Remus that it is a glorious arse, so tight and firm enough to bounce a galleon off. Jo Flick in Ravenclaw once wrote an ode about my arse."

"Padfoot."

"What?" Sirius asked, completely forgetting about the ode to his bum.

Remus allowed his wolfish and more playful side to surface, the rest of the common room seemed to shrink away leaving just the two of them staring at each other. In a flash Remus had slapped Sirius on his arse with the astronomy book. "Your arse isn't as good as you think it is, I've seen better."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Is that so Moony?"

There was something in Sirius's voice that caused Remus to inadvertently shiver.

Remus wasn't a marauder for nothing, he held Sirius's gaze. "Yes, actually. Now if you wouldn't mind pissing off, I'd like to finish studying the dog star and not a fucking horn dog," he replied in cool tone.

The sounds of the Gryffindor common room sounded louder than ever as Sirius stormed off, slamming the portrait door behind him and causing the Fat Lady to shriek after him. Remus sat back in his chair with low chuckle, his friend was such a drama queen at times.

"Jesus Christ, you can cut the sexual tension in here with a knife," Janine a seventh year muggle born stated as she sat in the chair opposite to Remus.

"Sorry, who are you going on about?" the werewolf asked.

Janine looked at him incredulously "You're kidding me right?" At Remus's blank look she audibly sighed. "Why are the good looking ones so fucking dumb?" she muttered to herself. "Sirius is in love with you, or at the very least in lust with you, anyone with eyes can see it."

Remus choked on his next breath. "He's my best friend, one of my best friends. While he certainly gets about, he doesn't see me that way, or even want me that way."

The seventh year snorted with laughter. "Whatever, Remus, but I think you've been swimming in the river denial for too long, that lad practically pissed on you to get your attention. But I know when I'm flogging a dead horse, I'll leave you to your book." She walked away whistling the tune to a song that Remus was unfamiliar with.

Janine's words left a funny taste in the young werewolf's mouth. There was no way Sirius was attracted to him, he just flirted with everyone. But what if he was? A stray and dangerous thought asked. He pushed the rogue thought away and forced himself to reopen his book and to actually concentrate on the words instead of how he felt with Sirius in his lap.

The following Friday evening, Remus was practically all alone in the library when Sirius's dog patronus bounded up to him, and sat patiently at his table, it's see through tail wagging happily.

He gestured for the dog to deliver its message.

"Meet me in our dorm room as soon as possible," the dog delivered its message once and disappeared the way patronuses do.

Intrigued and slightly worried by the cryptic message, Remus left his homework under a stasis spell knowing that a school house-elf would return it to him later and took every shortcut that he knew to thanks to the marauders' shenanigans over their six years of schooling, making it back to the Gryffindor common room in record time.

"Go Gunners," he wheezed at the Fat Lady as he tried to pull more air into his lungs. (It should be known that the password was set by a first year, called Tracey who happened to to be a massive Arsenal fan.)

The portrait door swung quietly open and Remus rushed in, heading straight for the stairs that led to the sixth year dorm room. His entrance was almost completely ignored by the other students apart from a couple of seventh year girls who were sat playing cards near the fireplace. As Remus disappeared up the stairs one could be heard saying, "Looks like tonight's the night, Janine" to which her companion cackled and waggled her eyebrows.

Remus was confused, the lighting in the room he shared with the other marauders was rather dim for the time in the evening, he raised his wand to cast a lumos when his wand was snatched from his hand and he found himself being swiftly manhandled and dumped on unceremoniously onto a bed and from the feel of the satin cover beneath his hands it had to be Sirius's. Remus tried to stand up and found that he was stuck.

"What the hell is going on?" Remus demanded to know, feeling annoyed that somebody had managed to get a jump on him.

He squinted in the semi darkness trying to see what was going on as he heard the door close and the unmistakable sound of a lock clicking into place. Remus sniffed the air but all he could smell were smells that were completely normal for their room. There was the slightly stale, tangy scent of Peter, the citrusy, outdoorsy smell that was James, and finally the smell that was uniquely Sirius, it was smoky and seductive. Of course he'd never admit that in a thousand lifetimes, when the others would ask what Sirius smelt like to him, he'd lie and say wet dog, which would cause uproar and the foursome would end up rough housing.

The lights brightened just enough for him to see Sirius in the corner placing a record on his personal gramophone.

"What the bloody hell are you playing at Pads?" He asked, not quite sure why he was keeping his voice low.

In the background a gravelly voice started singing, Remus could only watch open mouthed as Sirius turned and walked toward him, slowly unbuttoning his white school shirt.

"Siri-" Remus was hushed by a long elegant finger being pressed against his lips, his lips felt like they were on fire compared to Sirius's cool skin.

To say that Remus was in shock by the events that had just occurred, was nothing to the shock he felt as his friend, his best friend no less began singing along to the record and gyrating his hips in time to the music.

"If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on Wolfie let me know. If you really need me, just reach out and touch me. Come on Moony tell me so..."

Remus yearned to reach up and run his fingers through the wild black curls that framed his friend's handsome face, but still he held back, fear of being caught in a prank, fear of finding this to be some wild daydream but mostly fear that this was real and Sirius was actually asking him to touch him.

Years of masking his feelings helped him find his voice, which thankfully, didn't sound as shaky as he felt. "Very funny, Sirius, you got me, this is revenge isn't it from last week when I said that somebody else had a nicer arse than you? Prongs, Wormtail you guys might as well come out now. For the record, Sirius Black has the nicest arse in the whole of Hogwarts, not to mention the biggest ego." Remus looked round the room waiting for his friends to come in laughing, when they didn't appear, he looked back at Sirius, who had stopped dancing, his eyes appeared to be closed but Remus knew that move, it was basic Sirius 101, fool the other person into thinking you're an open and easy target. He knew that Sirius was watching him from beneath his ridiculously long eyelashes.

Those same eyelashes flew open and Sirius sat on the edge of bed next to him, twisting his body so he could look at Remus, there was a pleading and sincere look on his face. "There's no James, no Peter, it's just me and you here. This is it, my end game. I want you and I think that you want me too. I've tried being coy, I've tried being patient by dropping subtle hints hoping you'd pick them up and tell me that you want me too. But every time I think we might be getting there, you shut me down in every way possible."

"You want me?" The befuddled teen asked.

"Christ, Remus, nowadays I spend the majority of my time when I'm with you trying to hide the fact you make me so freaking hard my dick hurts."

Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times as his brain struggled to find a suitable response.

"How long? But you never said. But you flirt with everything. I never expected this. Am I dreaming? How long?" Remus was aware that he was was babbling, but he couldn't stop the verbal diarrhea from pouring out of his mouth. That was until his whole world seemingly stopped and then restarted again as Sirius leaned forward, till Remus could feel the soft puffs of air from Sirius's mouth caress his lips.

"So are you going to kiss me or just stare into my eyes like a girl?" Sirius challenged teasingly.

It would take hardly any movement on his part for their lips to meet, but Remus wanted his first kiss with Sirius to be perfect.

Remus decided to throw caution to the wind, reaching up he cradled Sirius's face in his hands and then captured the lips that has been haunting his dreams for almost a year now with his own. That first kiss started out soft, seeking, learning and turned into hot, demanding and hungry. The teenagers toppled back onto the bed in a mass of tangled limbs, heated kisses and soft moans, now the dam had been broken Remus couldn't get enough of the way Sirius pleaded with him as he nipped and sucked on Sirius's collarbone.

"Take your shirt off and straddle me," demanded Sirius, his voice sounding huskier than normal.

Remus did as he was asked and as he swung his leg over the over boy and got himself into a comfy position the resulting contact between Sirius and himself caused them both to groan in pleasure at the friction this had caused. The thin regulation school trousers they wore did nothing to hide the fact they were both as hard as either boy had ever been.

"Fuck, that feels so good," moaned Sirius incoherently, his fingers were digging into Remus's hips as they rocked against one another, chasing their release.

Remus collapsed in a hot sweaty heap on top of Sirius, he rolled off to the side with a snort as Sirius complained about his weight. He laid on his side and supported his head with a hand so he could properly look at his friend turned lover.

"Why so me Remus?" It was an old marauders joke and it brought a smile to the werewolfs lips.

"What are we going to tell the others? I don't want whatever this is," and gestured between them both "to come between us all."

Sirius frowned briefly and then summoned his wand from the other side of the room; he performed a quick freshening spell on the both of them and unlocked the door. "Apart from the fact that we have the marauders law that says no matter what happens we'll be friends for life, I want to see where this goes." He leaned in for a quick kiss "And as for James and Peter..."

The bedroom door opened. "Have you two finished, I asked Evans to look over my potions homework and I left my bag up here, don't worry I've got my eyes shut, I have no need to see your dicks out." James Potter walked into the room with his hands over his glasses and tripped over a random shoe in the middle of the room.

"Real smooth, Prongs," taunted Sirius. "Do you really think I would have lifted the lock if I wasn't finished?"

"I just tried the door, you didn't put a tie on it." James grabbed a book off his bedside table "Right found it. I'll see you two lovebirds later. Do try to not scar Peter too much, he is still an innocent in the ways of love." James left the room with a jaunty wave and a cheeky reminder to use a protection spell because they were all too young to raise any puppies.

Sirius used his wand to close the door. "I know you're worried Remus, but James, doesn't care, it was his idea to for me to tell you. In his words 'I'm sick of listening to you moon over Moony, just tell him how you feel' so I did and here we are, and you're still frowning at me. Why are you frowning at me?"

Remus could hear the hint of fear in Sirius's question and smiled.

"I wasn't frowning at you."

Sirius looked confused. "Well what were you doing?"

Remus pulled Sirius closer to him. "I was thinking about how much fun I'm going to have keeping that mouth of yours busy by kissing you senseless."

Any reply Sirius might have had was forgotten as Remus made good on his statement, in the background the gramophone was playing away to itself, long forgotten and stuck on a magical playback loop.

"If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on sugar let me know. If you really need me, just reach out and touch me. Come on honey tell me so."

A/N: Okay so when I started this, this wasn't what I had planned to write. It was originally going to be a Marauder prank involving them, the music and a packed great hall and as you have read this story is nothing at all like that.

My characters took over and hijacked the story, I hoped you enjoyed it anyway.

Do you think I'm sexy was written by Rod Stewart, Carmine Appice and Duane Hitchings, in real life it was released in 1978 but I moved it forwards for the purpose of my plot. (Plot? What plot I hear you all cry)


End file.
